A lesson learned

So I tend to let my surroundings get to me and change my mood. This group for example, loud and completely immature. When the adviser left is when every ones true colors come out. Let's just say they were talking about things that no stranger needed to know. When I'm around negative people I tend to absorb their toxic energy instead of brush it off. I wanted to tell all of them to shut up but I wasn't really in the mood to make enemies. I decided to strike up a normal conversation with the girl across from me who was really nice and helped pass the time away. The adviser came back in, "Ok, is this the last test for some of you guys then? Great watch this video on using this calculator and I'll be back in a few minutes." I'll admit the video was pretty lame and unnecessary but I guess extra info can't hurt. Finally we were told to start. "I can do this, it won't be too bad." HA! Well, turns out that test was pretty darn hard. It was nothing like my practice tests for whatever odd reason and I found myself unable to answer one question after another. "Oh god, why can't I answer these?" My hand started shaking and I could feel my eyes filling with water. This hadn't happened on the other tests but I was more confident in those. I tried to take a deep breath but it wasn't helping. I HAD to get out of that room NOW! My anxiety became such a distraction that I couldn't focus on the math problems, they were a blur. It felt pointless to stay and I was about 2 seconds away from walking out the door.
I realized that I'd feel like a bigger failure if I'd just walked out.  I didn't want to quit this time after something got hard unlike before. I had something to prove whether I passed or not. I tried to shake it off and look harder at the questions again. The second half was better but after I finished I still wasn't feeling too great. The car ride home was a quiet one. I had nothing to say. I didn't even want to look at my score when I got home. I wanted this so bad. In the top right corner of the screen I saw that six letter word. Passed.  I stared in complete disbelief for a few seconds and embarrassingly started to weep ha. I just kept staring at the screen. Two years I studied for this test and I could finally say I graduated!! Sounds dumb how big I'm making sound since it's just high school, but passing it actually proved something I needed to see. If I'd gotten up and walked out like I wanted I wouldn't have passed but instead I sucked it up and ended up passing. I proved myself wrong. This was a huge lesson learned that I won't forget. Every morning now I wake up forgetting I don't have to study. It's pretty weird and amazing. I don't even want to think about college yet I just want to enjoy this for a little bit. Bottom line, I'm not a numbers girl but who cares! I'd much rather be better at creative things anyways.