3/21/11 Big, bad wolf

It's been 2 weeks now since I came home from the hospital and everything had fallen back into place. There is one thing I wish didn't though. I am ashamed to admit that my "ways" have been crawling right back into my mind and by "ways" I mean lack of motivation. I really thought I could easily remind myself of what happened and be able to change for good. I should have known better. This happens every time. My memory totally fades and I have to force myself to remember what happened in order to become motivated again. It reminds me of something mom told me once. That sometimes after you have a baby, (her case), have CF (my case) or go through something hard, you tend to easily forget what that pain felt like. It gets washed away. That's sort of how I feel but I don't want reality to hit me when it's too late. I need to keep focus and not start drifting into lala land. Somehow I have to break out of my old habits. I think I got a good dose of reality today though when I had to wake up at 5:30am this morning to arrive at the hospital just for a PFT test. (Let me point out that I am not nor have I ever been a morning girl which makes these situations very challenging.) Just stepping foot in the hospital lobby was a wake up call. The little voice in my head said, "Hey Jade, remember this? Not so fun was it." yeah it sure scared me good. I have to lock onto that thought when I'm feeling lazy. Why is that so hard?
On a good note, I went up on my PFT test and Dr. Gong was pleased. YAY!!! I decided I wouldn't think any further ahead in the future at that moment and just let myself enjoy the good news for once. It was a long time since I'd heard any from that place. It's funny I always think of the big bad wolf whenever I take the PFT test except I'm blowing down digital candles in the computer system instead of houses...
Anyway, after the visit I decided my body deserved a DD coffee for it's hard work and success. As for right now I am going to try my very hardest to keep the "drive" in me. I'll let you know how that goes. I can do it I know I can! As for right now I'm going to bed to catch up on my...Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz