I knew the "college talk" was coming any day now just as the "GED talk" did. It still caught me off guard though after I sat down in the morning with my coffee in hand. I'll admit, the more mum and I talked the easier it was.
The choices for my schools were either MCC or Collin's College.
Though I dreamed about life in a more cultural place my whole life, family came first and I knew I'd miss home too often had I gone out of state and it was expensive. Another issue was that my CF doctors were all located here. So I knew I'd have to find culture another way, somehow.
Collins was more of an art based school and everything I thought I was looking for. It was smaller and artsy but something still felt...wrong. I'd visited the school 3 times desperately hoping I'd feel something different but I didn't. It still didn't feel the way I thought it was supposed to when I found the right college. I was confused though after I felt the same feeling after walking around MCC. I realized after my third visit that what I kept feeling wasn't "wrong", it was fear. I was honestly scared of how foreign the school atmosphere was to me.
On the way home from my third visit to Collin's I felt my eyes filling up. A lot was going through my head and that's the first time it all felt, "Real." I guess I just didn't think it would come so fast...
I knew had I not been home-schooled my whole life that I wouldn't be seeing college as such a heavy step. I still don't regret homeschooling though, it kept me healthy and kept my head straight but now I have no idea how to handle much outside of it.
Since my 7th grade year and living with CF, I've liked knowing exactly what to expect each day and how to have a plan for every scenario. After a while it becomes a comfortable habit. So naturally I'm nervous about the "surprises" college will throw at me and how I'm going to tackle them.
A few days before I chose my school mum and dad took me down to ASU to look around the art department. It wasn't what I expected. It was bright and open. I liked it and finally didn't feel so caged in.
I decided on MCC for my first two years because it was brighter and open similar to ASU..It finally felt like the right choice once it sank in and I couldn't be more relived....
I realized that eventually, everyone will grow up and the more you do, the harder it is to keep Neverland from fading. It's up to the person just how much "pixie dust" you do or don't lose, but I think it's always important to keep a little with you throughout life. Without it you'd be boring. 
This is wonderful! I wish I had documented the very important time of my life that you are moving through. However, your posts remind me of thing I haven't thought about in ages--eons--well a long time, anyway.
ReplyDelete(I always forget to "sign in" before my comments and my message gets deleted and I have to re-do it! Not too computer savvy, eh?)
ReplyDeletePixie dust permits you to fly in the rain so I would definitely keep some around.
I can feel your anxiety about this college stuff. This is a big step for you. But now you are over the first hurdle, selecting the college. If I were you I'd take a light class load the first semester or two until you've adjusted to the pace. I made the mistake of taking a french class my first semester of college. Lnaguage classes are very demanding of your time. I didn't have good study habits yet because high school had been too easy for me. So I did poorly in french because I couldn't give it the time it required with all the other courses I was taking. Always regretted that.
Art classes, I would think, are quite time-demanding too. My easiest classes were those where I read class material and was tested on it or wrote something on it. I think you have very good writing skills so those classes may be easy for you as well.
Another thing about college is that it does get easier from year to year. When I began I was told that, in order to graduate, all students had to prepare a thesis on an original topic and present it to their peers in a 20 minute speech.(By the way this requirement is not typical of most colleges). I remember thinking "I will never be able to do that" - make a speech in front of dozens of people. But by the time I got to my senior year I, like all my peers, just did it. I was nervous for a couple minutes then relaxed and all went well. In fact, I got the best grade of my college years, an A+.
Will be looking forward to your next installment. First classes, first impressions?
Love you. Auntie