The day after Boo Boo's passing I had another doctors appointment to check on my numbers from when I'd been sick. I was stressed as hell that morning and had to force food down my throat because I never eat when I'm stressed. I made sure I did eat something though because they can't admit you for a procedure on that same day (for bad PFT's) if you have food in your stomach. Like last time before the hospital they wanted to admit me that same day during a clinic visit but they had to wait 3 days for my procedure to be done because I had eaten something earlier that morning.
So anyway, we're driving and I can see more and more exits passing us on the freeway. I knew that meant we were getting closer. I looked up and saw the unmistakable colors of the PCH building. There it was, the place of good news and bad but mostly bad. That wasn't always the case though when I was younger.
When it comes to PCH you either leave with a smile or in tears. That's it.
It wouldn't have been so hard this time if I hadn't gotten sick. I was terrified of what it did to my numbers. "Just don't think about it. Just keep walking."
After the test I asked what my numbers were. "59" she said. I couldn't remember what my last numbers were but I felt pretty good about these.
Dr. Gong came in, no emotion as usual, so I played my usual game with him. If I got him to smirk, 25 points, smile 50, chuckle...jackpot! He said the numbers were same from last time but that was ok because I had been sick so it could have been worse. Overall he said to keep doing what I was doing. He seemed more stressed than usual which usually meant he's had a rough day but I did still manage to get 50 points out of him. Maybe it brightened his day, I don't know.
Anyway after my results I thought, "Oh my god, I can RELAX for the day! YES!!!!" My body had turned to mush from being so tense all morning.
So in the words of Muse
"It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life..."
"And I'm feeling good"....Even if it's just for a moment.
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