"Birds flying high, You know how I feel."

The day after Boo Boo's passing I had another doctors appointment to check on my numbers from when I'd been sick. I was stressed as hell that morning and had to force food down my throat because I never eat when I'm stressed. I made sure I did eat something though because they can't admit you for a procedure on that same day (for bad PFT's) if you have food in your stomach. Like last time before the hospital they wanted to admit me that same day during a clinic visit but they had to wait 3 days for my procedure to be done because I had eaten something earlier that morning.
So anyway, we're driving and I can see more and more exits passing us on the freeway. I knew that meant we were getting closer. I looked up and saw the unmistakable colors of the PCH building. There it was, the place of good news and bad but mostly bad. That wasn't always the case though when I was younger.
When it comes to PCH you either leave with a smile or in tears. That's it.
It wouldn't have been so hard this time if I hadn't gotten sick. I was terrified of what it did to my numbers. "Just don't think about it. Just keep walking."
After the test I asked what my numbers were. "59" she said. I couldn't remember what my last numbers were but I felt pretty good about these.
Dr. Gong came in, no emotion as usual, so I played my usual game with him. If I got him to smirk, 25 points, smile 50, chuckle...jackpot! He said the numbers were same from last time but that was ok because I had been sick so it could have been worse. Overall he said to keep doing what I was doing. He seemed more stressed than usual which usually meant he's had a rough day but I did still manage to get 50 points out of him. Maybe it brightened his day, I don't know.
Anyway after my results I thought, "Oh my god, I can RELAX for the day! YES!!!!" My body had turned to mush from being so tense all morning.
So in the words of Muse
"It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life..."
"And I'm feeling good"....Even if it's just for a moment. 

"Boo Boo"

It was a sad day last Sunday on the 15th. My beloved guinea pig Boo Boo passed away at 3 years old. I didn't see it coming at all because I knew they live to be at least 5-6 years. I was in shock when mum came in my room and told me. I had no reaction. It wasn't until I actually saw him laying peacefully in a ball that I cried. He was my buddy and all I could think about was how this had to be my fault somehow. I had to have done something wrong! I must have...he was only 3. I'd even check the weather every day to be sure he wouldn't get too hot. The weird thing was the night before he was completely fine running and eating like always. He didn't show signs of ever being sick. I sat there rubbing his back while I thought about any mistake I could have made. It's amazing how attached to something or someone you get no matter how small. I really loved him and did everything I could to give him a a good life. It was only a week before that mum and dad talked to me about finding him a new home for his own happiness. Ok see, for the first couple years he lived in my room with me but we started noticing the dust and smell that was filling my room and knew it was probably bad for my CF. I didn't know what to do so he would go from our guest bedroom to outside all the time. Well, he couldn't stay in the guest room anymore but during winter it was great! He just lived outside and would hear the birds. I knew what was coming though...summer, and I had no rooms left indoors. We came up with a temporary solutions until we'd figure something out. He would live in the garage during the day and I'd bring him outside every single night when it cooled off. His cage was huge so it usually took 2 people for this job. After doing this for months I was given the talk. I could feel my eyes watering because I knew he wasn't happy living in a garage part time but I didn't know what else to do. I would be selfish to keep him with me so I started doing research before I made my decision. It was that following week when he died and mum convinced me that it was because he wanted to stay here with me rather than go to another home. I liked thinking about it that way better. Some might think I'm insane for getting so upset about a guinea pig but you can think what you want. When I was ever sad he was there to make me smile. I decided I wanted his cage to be donated to another critter so I remembered my friend's sister who has a little bunny. I'm glad they needed it and figured BooBoo would appreciate it going to the little guy. I went to petsmart and engraved his name on a charm to wear on a bracelet. I'm still sad about it but this is life and I'm just happy to know he was loved.